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Date: June 2010
Submitted by: Iain Miller

And Sho, a penultimate vishit to the mighty An Port to shpank the 2nd last of the daddy beastsh with accesh isshues wash the plan.

 This particular beast lives in the far reaches of the abyss, as far as it is possible to be from the civillianized society that surrounds us. Guarded by a sentry of 250/300m cliffs and far, far, far from the madding crowd.


 It was with a distinct feeling of unease that I stood 300m above the beast looking down from the aforementioned cliff tops. Already being far from passers by and polite conversation, I was alone, no-one aware of my location and with no means to call for rescue in the event of the proceedings resembling a pear! HURRA, and with darts of white light bouncing through the inner cortex I began the descent.


 A few false leads and steep endings saw me back tracking about for a wee while looking for a sensible descent and finally after many ups/downs and a few sideways manoeuvres and I arrived at sea level. Between my good self and the beast was a cheeky wee island and with a cheeky wee North West motion rolling in a paddle around the island to land on the West face of the beast was the elected plan of attack, I pondered, as I inflated the boat.


 Matressed the boat and paddled around the island into an UBER atmospheric cauldron of towers/pinnacles and wave battered rock architecture and LO. (alas) I discovered the source of the constant barking, on my intended land site on the beast was a mob of the biggest blackest bull selkies I have ever seen. Alas as i paddled into view they all stopped barking and sat up to look at the Entree in the wee dingy. :-( NOW, I am no expert in the language of seal but I clearly heard the expressions, "I'm going to bite his head off, "I'm going to eat his boat" and "I'm going to ride him!" With these expressions of intent in the offing I paddled like a bastard around to the East face of the beast and landed with haste.

 HURRA, landed on the boulder beach in one of the most intimidating and beautiful places it is possible to imagine. A quick change of attire And I hoofed it up the East wing and skyline traversed along to the wee Basalt sub summit, a swift ab and I was padding up to the main summit.

 HURRA, sat on the summit blocks of this 60m beast for ages looking around, it doesn't get anymore remote/atmospheric/inane than this. It would be impossible to describe the beauty of the surrounding, not only the 30 or so seals in the sea below or the endless stretch of monster cliffs facing the stack or the open expanse of Fuck All that is the Atlantic Ocean to the West & North or the baby gannet being born at my feet.... who knows but a minor god "entered the building."

 "B.A.S.E." is all she said?

 And sho the return journey was made.     


02 Jul 2010

Good work, I've never seen any seals about an port before. What are you going to do for sea stack action when there's noting left to deflower around an port? ;)

Photo of Route